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lyrics

ATTACK OF THE BLEU MAN GROUP

I saw that a French tribute act was coming to town
called the “Bleu Man Group.”
They spelled it “B-L-E-U” and wore berets,
and that was just wrong,
so I loaded up my pistol and went to the show.

I was expecting no more than postmodern mimes
clowning around on stage in their bright body paint—
acting all bleu.
But I was going to make it more entertaining than that!

I came to make the blue men red!
I wanted to watch their heads pop like cabernet grapes!
I wanted to hear those mimes scream!
I wanted to make the blue men red.

They cavorted on stage with surreal and fantastic instruments.
They danced in sync to weird music
choreographed to unnatural body movements.
They were inhuman.
They had to die.
So I cocked my pistol and took aim…
but then I noticed something odd:
They were blue because they were already dead!

I wanted to make the blue men red!
I wanted to watch their heads pop like champagne corks!
But the blue men were already dead.
Their eyes were yellow orbs, jittering around.
Their flesh was mottled with deoxygenated blood and bruises.
They lunged around like zombie Harpo Marxes,
honking their horns with evil intent.

I steeled myself up and got ready to fire—
but then the guys started eating the audience,
and were coming right at us.
They didn’t say anything because,
well, they were mimes,
but I still knew they hungered after my brain.

I wanted to see those blue men red.
I wanted to make the blue men dead.
So I attacked with my pistol
and shot every last one in the head.

But they weren’t normal zombies.
The gunshots didn’t kill them.
They weren’t very organized without their heads anymore
and, well, they couldn’t really eat anyone anymore either.
They just lumbered around,
Aimless.

They were just dead—
dead—
HEADLESS DEAD!
HEADLESS DEAD!
HEADLESS FRENCH DEAD!

Well…I somehow survived that night.
And as I drove home I kind of admired their art.
In fact, I thought about starting my own tribute act,
so I lifted one of their bloody brain berets to my mouth
and I fed.

credits

from Attack of the Bleu Man Group: Expanded Digital EP, track released February 1, 2013
Vocals & Instruments, Michael A. Arnzen. Recorded in home studio, Oct. 2010. Recording first appeared in Attack of The Bleu Man Group EP (March 2013).

Lyrics and music (c) by Michael A. Arnzen. "The Bleu Man Group" originally appears as a poem in The Gorelets Omnibus (Raw Dog Screaming Press, 2012). rawdogscreamingpress.com

Visit arnzen.bandcamp.com for more spoken word weirdness on the dark side.

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Michael Arnzen Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Winner of four Bram Stoker Awards in horror fiction & poetry.

"Arnzen doesn’t just read or recite his stories; he shouts, snarls, whispers and groans his way through (and) adds music to the mix to create an aural landscape of terror like nothing you’ve heard before. Don’t miss this.” -- MicroHorror.com

VISIT AUDIBLE.COM for other horror audiobooks by Michael Arnzen.
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